Wednesday, 12 September 2012

It's over!

Thank **** that is over! Roll on Autumn I say. 

Whenever I hear these mummies say that they can't wait for the summer holidays so they can spend lots of time with their children it actually brings up a little bit of sick in my mouth. 
Now don't get me wrong I love my children more than anything, they are my world and all that jazz but the thought of having to spend six weeks with them, everyday all day, with no breaks fills me with dread! Every heard the phrase 'too much of I good thing is bad for you? ' 

I should probably feel bad about saying this out loud but the truth is I don't. I'm a stay at home mother, every second of my day is devoted to either feeding, clothing, cleaning, picking up after or just generally making sure that their needs are met. 
I'm a good mother, I love my children, I spend all of my days doing some form of child related activity whether it be bounce 'n' rhymes, play days, baby yoga or the dreaded indoor 'wear em out' places.

So when they toddle off to pre school for their alloted 15 hours a week perhaps you can forgive me when I say I'm actually quite releaved. It's not as if I use those few hours to do anything for myself, no manicures, shopping or expensive haircuts in this house. You will usually find me cleaning, washing, scrubbing or if I'm really pushing the boat out watching one of my programs while ironing but the difference is I'll be doing it in peace. No whinning, talking, crying, fighting or demanding. Just me, my iron and my thoughts. It's the new heaven. I may even eat a biscuits without having to hide in the laundry room, (I swear they hear me opening that biscuit tin from the other side of the house.)

Tell me I'm not alone in this? As I said before I love my kids but I also love my sanity.

ma x

Thursday, 24 May 2012

Confessions of a Bad Mother!

  • Somedays I let my son watch TV pretty much all day! - Sometimes it's the only way for us both to get through the day in one piece.
  • There are random days when my children don't eat a single vegetable! - Of cause unless you count the slice of gerkin in a McDonalds cheeseburger.
  • I sometimes leave my children in a smelly nappy for a little bit longer than prehaps I should - just trying to space out the nappy changes a bit, especially the first one in  the morning, no one wants that to be the first thing they see/smell every day.
  • I'm not a fan of the baby stage, there I said it! -  They just lay there and dribble and poo. Children are much more exciting when they can actually interact with you.
  • I use bribery a lot! - I'm not a fan of full blown melt downs in public and if a promise of a chocoloate biscuit is going to get me out of it then that is what I'll do.
  • I often forget to wash the kids hands before eating! - Well they need to build up their immunities don't they?
  • I don't let the children in our living room at all! - It is our room, a toy free zone, our little haven of straight cushions and  beautiful breakable possessions. We are allowed one room aren't we?
  • I don't have locks on all the cupboards in the kitchen! - After the hubby ripped off one of the doors in frustaration from not being able to get into it, we kind of gave up on the idea.
  • Occasionally I have days where I pine for my previous 'young, free and single days' and then spend the rest of the day feeling guilty about even thinking it.
  • I have a potty mouth and sometimes let an obscenity slip out infront of the little ones. 
  • Most days I forget to brush the kids teeth after breakfast - I always remember to do it when they go to bed it's just the morning one that gets by me.  
So there you have it, I confess, I am not a perfect Mummy!
What about you then, any secret confessions about your parenting skills or lack of them?

Friday, 18 May 2012

Back Off He's Mine!

Something weird happened the other day... the OH brought home another woman!
That probably sounds weird but it was all totally innocent, she's a colleague of his. However it really bothered me and what's weird is that I don't even know why.
I knew she was coming because the OH told me the night before. I knew of her but had never actually met her before but what I did know is that she was young and single!
 So in typical woman not saying what she really means style, I said 'Ok no probs' when really on the inside I went into full blown panic mode.

 The next day I got up extra early so that I had time to have a shower, do my hair, apply make up, get the kids in their cutest outfits and give the house a quick once over. My aim was to appear to be Yummy Mummy/Domestic Goddess/Amazing Partner. My secret non verbal message being 'We are a happy loving family and my man and I love each other very much so back off he's mine!'

When she arrived I was as nice as pie, all smiley sweet, making tea for them both while they worked. Asking her questions about where's she's from, what she likes etc, not at all digging for information about her life to access how much of a threat she was *cough*. I even managed to keep smiling everytime she used the silly nickname that she'd made up for him and I didn't at all hover around the office door trying to hear what they were saying. *cough cough*.

The silly thing is that she was actually a really nice woman but she still manged to ruffle my feathers.

So yes I am your typical woman who is a two faced bitch. There I said it. 
So do you ever get jealous of the other woman in your OH's life even if it's not justified?

Tuesday, 15 May 2012

Stop Talking About my Tits!

In a normal converstation that you may have with someone there is a certain, unwritten, etiqutte that every abides by. There are certain topics that are out of bounds, like for instance talking about someones bowl movements, asking someone about the gritty details of their sex life or making reference to any sexual part of their body. We all know about this and we all know what is deemed as an acceptable converstaion to have with someone.
 So why is it that the minute you are pregnant, every Tom, Dick and Harry that you meets decides that it is suddenly okay to discuss your boobs. 
"Are you going to breastfeed?" That question became the bane of my life while I was pregnant. I got asked it in the supermarket, in the pub and even once on the train and all by complete strangers! 
Sometimes I would answer them honestly and say "No I'm not going to breastfeed" and then wait for the inevitable torrent of questions that follow an answer like that, "Why not" or "You do know that breast is best". At this point I would normally make my excuses and leave before I stab them with the nearest pointy thing that I could find. 
The worst for me was when men use to ask that question. Like they know what it's like to be pregnant for nine months, squeeze something out of them that is in no way in proportion to the hole that it is coming out of and then let said thing suck the life out of you. I don't think so!

You might of gathered by now that I didn't breastfeed. I know, I know I'm the devil mother. Giving my children such an unfair start in life but I had my reason, quite a few actually, and in the end for me the cons far outwayed the pros. The main con being that there was no way in hell that I was going to whip my boob out in public for the world to see. Just thinking about all those people watching you, that are pretending not to, freaks me out. Urrgh. I didn't really feel like becoming an agoraphobic for the next 6 months or so. 
So with that and my many other cons I decided against it and do you know what my children are still alive, they're healthy and they're happy. What a shock!

 Don't get me wrong I do know that breast is best but it just wasn't going to work for us. So what about you, where you subjected to the pressure of breastfeeding?

Tuesday, 8 May 2012

So here goes...

Warning: This blog is not for the faint hearted

Hello I am Mummy Anonymous and welcome to my blog.

I will be posting about all the things that mummies may feel but would never dare say!
I will never intentionally try to offend anyone, the posts are just my opinions, I know that peope have others.

I will post randomly and when I feel like it. 
I would love your comments and will endeavour to reply to them all.

I know that the blogging world is vast and I am merely another mummy blogger but it would be great to have some followers.

I look forward to blogging with you x

'The moment a child is born, the mother is also born.  She never existed before.  The woman existed, but the mother, never.  A mother is something absolutely new'.  ~Rajneesh